Pink is not even my color....

So...yesterday I got a phone call I could have lived without. "I have bad news" the voice on the other side said. "You have breast cancer. Do you need a couple of minutes?" Do I need a couple of minutes? I need the rest of my life...I am thinking what in the world? I am too young for this...what will happen to my kids, they have only me here...and what now??

If my life was a gameshow, I would be the contestant who it seemed like could never win. I would pick the wrong door again and again. And this time..."I pick door number 3!" Hoping for a smooth ride, i got turned onto the road saying "Cancer". How do you deal with that? How do you go down that road, face everything, and still stay strong for your kids?

In three weeks since the lump was first discovered I feel I have been to the breast center at St. Francis Hospital so often now I should have my own chair in the waiting room...one good thing though, I finally figured out where the parking garage is for that building, so it does not take me 30 minutes walking through all the buildings to get there. That is a plus. One thing that baffled me with the waiting room at the breast center was that all the magazines available are "Sports Illustrated"...seriously? I guess they figure the husbands/boyfriends are driving their wives/girlfriends there and need to read something while they wait...only thing I have only seen one or maybe two men in he waiting room, and usually they are 70 or above, and none have been reading "Sports Illustrated"....just saying.

So I have been X-rayed, poked, prodded and "biopsied" more than I ever wanted to be this week. Today I got to experience an MRI. It was not too bad, but boy, is that machine loud. All the thoughts of "Hey, I am going to be in that thing for 30 minutes to 1 hour, maybe I can actually take a nap" disappeared once the thing got going. I had earplugs, AND headphones playing music, and still the clicking and pounding was louder. Oh, well. It is done now, and now I am just waiting to hear from the surgeon.

This whole thing is still kind of unbelievable to me,,,like I'll get another phone call saying "Hey, sorry, we were wrong". But I know that won't happen...so I am moving on from here, one step at the time, trusting that God sees the bigger picture. I know he holds us all in his hands, so I will trust in Him. Now I am going to read through the 5 pound package of information I got from my new second home St. Francis Breast Center :) Hope it has an intriguing plot and a good ending.

Maria (who does not believe she looks "pretty in pink")