Pink is not even my color....

So...yesterday I got a phone call I could have lived without. "I have bad news" the voice on the other side said. "You have breast cancer. Do you need a couple of minutes?" Do I need a couple of minutes? I need the rest of my life...I am thinking what in the world? I am too young for this...what will happen to my kids, they have only me here...and what now??

If my life was a gameshow, I would be the contestant who it seemed like could never win. I would pick the wrong door again and again. And this time..."I pick door number 3!" Hoping for a smooth ride, i got turned onto the road saying "Cancer". How do you deal with that? How do you go down that road, face everything, and still stay strong for your kids?

In three weeks since the lump was first discovered I feel I have been to the breast center at St. Francis Hospital so often now I should have my own chair in the waiting room...one good thing though, I finally figured out where the parking garage is for that building, so it does not take me 30 minutes walking through all the buildings to get there. That is a plus. One thing that baffled me with the waiting room at the breast center was that all the magazines available are "Sports Illustrated"...seriously? I guess they figure the husbands/boyfriends are driving their wives/girlfriends there and need to read something while they wait...only thing I have only seen one or maybe two men in he waiting room, and usually they are 70 or above, and none have been reading "Sports Illustrated"....just saying.

So I have been X-rayed, poked, prodded and "biopsied" more than I ever wanted to be this week. Today I got to experience an MRI. It was not too bad, but boy, is that machine loud. All the thoughts of "Hey, I am going to be in that thing for 30 minutes to 1 hour, maybe I can actually take a nap" disappeared once the thing got going. I had earplugs, AND headphones playing music, and still the clicking and pounding was louder. Oh, well. It is done now, and now I am just waiting to hear from the surgeon.

This whole thing is still kind of unbelievable to me,,,like I'll get another phone call saying "Hey, sorry, we were wrong". But I know that won't happen...so I am moving on from here, one step at the time, trusting that God sees the bigger picture. I know he holds us all in his hands, so I will trust in Him. Now I am going to read through the 5 pound package of information I got from my new second home St. Francis Breast Center :) Hope it has an intriguing plot and a good ending.

Maria (who does not believe she looks "pretty in pink")

To be or not to be...

To be like Jesus or not...to live life like he did or not...what do you base your life on? God and his word, Jesus and his example, or slights and offenses here on earth from people?

People are not perfect, far from it. We can not go through life without being hurt or offended along the way. How we react in those situations shows what is in our heart. If we are in Christ, we are supposed to be dead to this world, dead to our old person...a dead person do not get offended...

We are supposed to show God's love to all around us, even the ones who offends us or hurts us. A lot have happened in my life, I have basically lost everything I had, home, workplace, all my things, cars, everything. Almost lost my children, and my husband was taken away for a long time. Could this have been handled differently? Absolutely! Will this crush me and my family? Absolutely not!

God gives strength for everything that happens to  you. And how you react shows what is in your heart. In all that has happened, I have not lied, and I know I can walk with my head held high, I have done nothing wrong. And God is blessing me abundantly every day. So I had to quit my job...well, they did not want me to leave, so they offered me to work remotely (from another state) and almost doubled my pay in the process, just to make me stay on. What a blessing!

I have gotten to know who are friends that will stay with me no matter what, and which ones will turn their back...I have seen my children learn that you love no matter what, you forgive no matter what, and you do not turn to revenge...I have seen my children grow in their faith and come to love God more.

So the question I have for you today: Have you made anyone homesick for heaven today? Have you shown anyone with your life the love of God? Forgiveness, Love, and Mercy. Are those traits in your life?

 Or is everything you do based on revenge, justified with feelings that if someone hurt you, you have the right to pay back. I feel pity on any person who lives like that. What a meager, pitiful life. May God have mercy on their souls.

Whatever happens in my life, wherever I end up, whatever I do, I will do it all for the glory of God.

Maria

Fait Hope and Love

I am a believer! I believe God will protect and sustain me through trials. I trust that God has a plan for my life and will steer me through any adversity. I am convinced the Lord would never give me a challenge I could not handle. Even in the worst of times, I feel blessed and confident things will work out for the best. I know God loves me and holds my life in His hands.

Faith - God has a plan for me and my family and will look after us. If we listen, God will show the way. I am not afraid, because God loves us and will always take care of us. My God is not distant and aloof. He is loving, caring, accessible and available. He hears our prayers, responds, and desires good for us all. He is my active partner in every challenge I encounter. He is my greatest comfort and my mightiest weapon.

Hope - gets me through tough times. No matter how bad life gets, everything will turn out for the best in the end. Bad times can never last too long, it will always make a turn for the better. Hope is the very heart of healing. It may help you live longer, it will certainly help you live better. Have your hope in God.

Love - is the reason for living. Purpose is a calling greater than yourself, and love is the ultimate purpose. In tough times we can be less afraid if we are surrounded by love and support of family and friends. In the worst times, love gives us strength to go on.

Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut. Love doesn't have a swelled head. Love doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first", doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others, doesn't revel when others grovel. Love takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything trusts God always. Always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end.

Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

Maria

Global warming? I don't think so...

Global warming has not reached Oklahoma. We missed that memo, and now we are all freezing cold because of it...It is April, come on! We are supposed to be able to wear shorts and flip flops, not scarves and winter coats!! I so long for warmer weather!

Work has slowed down a bit, which is nice, but I had gotten into a routine, and now I have so much free time...not good. What should I do? Organize things? Clean my desk? Go cockroach hunting? Yes, we have those here at work, and not the small kind. The ones I've seen here are bigger than any of the ones I saw in Russia! Huge! I don't like them at all.

A friend of mine told me yesterday that peace from God is not a feeling but a decision, a lifestyle. God has promised us peace in all thing, and we decide to believe that or not. We can be affected by things happening and people doing things, but how do we react to all this? Do we start whining and complaining, or do we say "circumstances do not rule me, I know who I am and what I have in Jesus christ".

When the world squeezes you, what comes out of your heart? When the storm is raging around you, do you sit in the boat next to Jesus trusting him to still the waters? Do you dare take a step of faith like Peter, step out of the boat and into the storm? Jesus is there to lift you up. Even if you can't see the other side of the ocean right now, it is there, and if Jesus is the captain of your boat, you can be sure to reach your destination.

Have peace!

Maria

Easter

The Easter play at church was wonderful. Such good acting, such awesome story! Every time I see what Jesus did for us reenacted Ican't help but cry. Such love, such mercy. He did not have to do it, but he did it for us! We can't grasp the depth of his love for us. He is amazing!

We are at home, taking it easy. We are doing a puzzle right now, with 550 pieces, so it is not so big, but still big enough. It is actually Caleb's puzzle, that he got for Christmas, I believe, with a knight in shining armor riding a white horse...it is actually quite challenging.

I did all the laundry and cleaning yesterday, so today, I can just take it easy. I even baked cookies yesterday, and they turned out quite good...but I should probably bring them to work tomorrow so we don't eat them all ourselves...we don't really need that! I would go for a walk today, but it is windy (if you know oklahoma winds...) and chilly outside. I am sure Dozer would not mind, though, so we might brave the weather later.

I am drinking Guava juice right now, and I can't decide whether I like it or not. It is like I do, but still don't. Weird...we'll wait with the final verdict. Maybe I'll just make myself a cappuccino instead, you can never go wrong with one of those, right?

Well, I'm going to take a good book (reading The Survivors Club right now) make my cappuccino, and find a corner to sit down and relax in. Have a wonderful Sunday!

Maria

Peace in the storm...

Back at work, early in the morning. Have my coffee ready and my drawing pulled up on the computer. Working on a project in Port Arthur, TX right now, and that store sure needs a lot of help. Hopefully we can give it the makeover it deserves...

Easter is coming up, and the church choir is practicing full swing. I think it is going to be awesome, and I am looking forward to seeing it. Sean has seen it already since he is taking care of lighting this year. He says it is awesome, so it must be, right?

We have taught our dog to sit in the dining room and wait when we get him his dinner. He sits, and he waits, and he sits, and he waits...and then we say "Varsågod" (which means "go ahead" in Swedish), and then he jumps up and heads over to his bowl. He is such a good boy.

When you have the Holy Spirit in your life he will produce peace in your heart. To have peace in the middle of the storm...the world is amazed when they see a Christian who is flowing with peace in the middle of a personal crisis. "Her life is falling apart, but she is not. How is that possible?"

The peace of the Holy Spirit will calm our soul. It can be crazy around us, but on the inside we have assurance that God has already saved us from sin and death. Would he save us from this world just to turn around and abandon us in it ? Certainly not!

The spirit filled Christian is full of peace because he/she knows perfect love casts out all fear. (1 John 4:18) Ask God for peace in the middle of your storms.

When you live in truth you are free. The bible says truth will set you free from fear. Lie will bind you and depress you and fill you with fear. Truth in your life gives you peace.

Gods love casts out all fear. When our hearts are right before God we can come before His throne boldly every day, and sit in his presence under the shadow of his wings. If you need me, that's where you can find me.

Have a wonderfully blessed day!

Maria

Three days from nowhere...

When you feel like you don't know where to go, where you are and how you got there, when you don't know how to get out from where you are right now, when you think everything that can be done to you has been done, there is no possibility for anything else to happen, you think this must be it, then the devil will hit you with your biggest hurdle yet.

Know that thru all this, God is with you. He will lead you, never leave you or forsake you, and when you come out on the other side, he will bless you like never before.

We need to get to the point in our lives when we see Jesus as our solution BEFORE we even see the problem. It is easy to call God healer, provider, master, friend and blesser when we are on the top of the mountain, but when we are standing in front of the mountain and it is looming over us, how often do we call Him our all then? How often is it easier in a situation like that to be angry with God instead of praising Him?

If you are three days from nowhere, know that God is with you. Maybe you do not know where you are going, but you know who is going with you and if He is with you it does not matter who or what is against you.

When things happen in your life that you do not understand, remember that the biggest part of you brain need to be reserved for things you do not understand. If you have to understand everything before you can trust God you do not know how faith works.

When you are in the glory of Gods presence, when you worship Him in spirit and in truth, when you are before His throne, everything in your life that is not like Him will die. If you have things in your life that you have kept from God, projects you do not want Him to touch, when you are in His holy presence, that will be put on the altar and die.

Your habits, what is binding you, hindering you, the past, all the bitterness, what people have said and done, you can not be in His presence and keep that in your heart. Whatever hinders Gods Spirit to work in your life must die when you come before Him.

When you are walking through the valley of death, know you are not outside His will. You are three days from nowhere, but if you hold on to his presence and love, you will come out stronger and more blessed on the other side. You will see the lamb of God in all His glory!

The truth will set you free, lies bind and depresses you. God's perfect love casts out all fear. Walk in His presence every day!

Maria (God's favorite)